Yo so I watched this movie called CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS
got it from the library
legitimately
and tried unsuccessfully to rip it
ended up only ripping the beginning (before the Feature Presentation started) in English, and the rest dubbed in French
luckily I was able to watch it before it was due back but now I have to get pics from this rip
ehn
not like
I would be
actually watching this again to learn anything about what happens in the movie
while making this post
just going to try to remember shit and
get some gifs out of this
and some pics
re: I am a legit authentic punk and I don't care about anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck you!!!!!!
fuck teachers and the police!!!! fuck blogger.com! I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you mom and dad and every babysitter I've ever had!!! I will smoke grass if I want to!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I'M NOT GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE MORE THAN ONCE AS LONG AS I BLOG!
man
"I will smoke grass if I want to" looks so weird
like
why didn't I use "I'll" instead of "I will"
ridiculous
I always do that with "I will" and don't realize it until I reread something and am like "wtf why would I do that contractions own att who would ever say 'I will' like that? if you're going to write something too proper to have contractions it's not even I will it's I shall you idiot!!!!!! ugh! fuck you!!!!!" then I punch the mirror and cut my hand etc.
WELL I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY
I WROTE A BLOGPOST TODAY
AND IT
DOESN'T MATTER THAT MUCH TO ME
AS LONG AS IT'S REREAD (that's as far as I go with editing this shit)
so back to this movie
called
CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS
it is a movie
starring
Spencer Tracy
and some kid
something Bartholomew
seems like he was maybe
some kind of legit actor bro and not just some kid who happened to be in this movie
because
after I got this movie from the library I saw his name somewhere so
(not going to look up his name on wikipedia or "imdb" because I am a punk rock blog journalist *revs motorcycle a couple times and blogs off into the distance*)
yo so spencer tracy and this bartholomew kid look just like each other but one is older (spencer tracy)
I will post a picture here of them facing each other if I can find that scene easily:
[I COULD NOT FIND THE PICTURE VIA GOOGLE. I AM POSTING A DIFFERENT PIC WITH BOTH OF THEM IN IT INSTEAD. -Ed.]
 |
| hard to tell from this pic |
creepy!!
so anyway this kid starts out way rich
"spoiled", you could say
oh btw this movie is based on something by "rudyard kipling"
so this kid
I forget his name
actually
don't think I knew it while I was watching the movie
the kid is the bro played by bartholomew
he
is some flimsy idiot who wants breakfast in bed
and he had some friends sleep over
and one of the kids is like
"breakfast in bed? what are you? a sissy?"
and bart is like "sissy!?!?!??!?!??! you calling me a sissy!?!??!?!?!"
and the kid is like "I'm just saying that some people might call a bro a sissy for having breakfast in bed, is all!"
so bart plots a plot against this bro
not because the bro called him a sissy
but
because he wants to join the bro's club @ school
and the plot is that
he'll give the bro a really expensive copy of treasure island
and will refuse to take back the expensive copy of treasure island
and then tell the bro that he will join his club or else his rich dad will crush the bro's dad and the bro will end up wearing rags via poverty
the bro is all crying and stuff
 |
| that's a flower, fyi, not gum. should have drawn a swirl in it or something. |
he joins the club
via this trickery
and everyone in the club hates him
(everyone at school hates him!)
and they refuse to speak to him
and bart gets frustrated and is like
"ACK! WHY WON'T ANYONE SPEAK TO ME?!?!? YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN!"
and then
a bro
says a great thing
he turns to one of his fellow clubmembers and asks:
"punching somebody isn't speaking to them, is it?"
then he punches the lil rich asshole
then someone throws ink on the lil rich asshole and the club bros prance away
 |
| fucking jpgs. why did I save most of these as jpgs? this blog post is ruined |
the little rich asshole hasn't learned his lesson tho
and he
throws *more* ink on his jacket
which is really ridiculous because he like fingerpaints it on with his whole hands so he has handmarks all over his jacket and his hands are covered in ink and no one else's hands are covered in ink
anyway he
goes whining to his teacher
and the teacher is like
"it's your fault! everyone hates you! you know why they wouldn't let you join their club?!?!? because I told them not to let you join their club! you are a jerk and you shouldn't be using money to join clubs like this you should try making people like you via not being an asshole"
then the lil rich asshole is like "ugh! and after all I've done for you! after I bribed you to give me good marks by leaving $50 on your desk!"
and the teacher is like
"ewtf?!?!?! that was you?!?!??!?!?!? D:! well I'll give it back to you. don't bribe people you idiot!!!!!!!!!"
 |
| don't think there were any pics from this part (or from the next few parts) that have pix I could find via a GIS, so here's a creative commons pic by www.BackgroundNow.com |
yo think I might
try cutting back on the exclamation marks/question marks
every one I use is just a phony joke one, they all mean the same thing no matter how many I have, p. much, and they're not funny
so it's just taking up space on this blogspace
actually no they are all different and beautiful and extra special
and I will use as many as I want whenever I want
I feel more confident in my use of exclamation marks and question marks than ever
n e way
the bro's dad is like "ack! my son is all covered in ink" when the lil rich asshole bart comes home
and [the dad] is like
"I need to talk to this bro's teacher and principal!"
so he gets them there
and they are like
"your kid is terrible! he's so rich! also you are a terrible father! you and your son have never talked to each other except for that time he told you about the ink! you care about your business too much! also your kid bribed me!"
the dad is like
"shit. I do suck a lot. holy shit yall just noticed I've only used single exclamation marks since I was talking about using too much back there. what have I done to myself here?!?!?!? D: also btw this stopped being a quotation of the father after the second sentence going to start it back up now: I need to spend more time with my son! I'm going to take him on a cruise!"
so he takes the kid on a cruise
there are other kids on the boat and the lil asshole is like
"heh. my dad OWNS this boat! [This isn't true. He was lying. -Ed.] look at what I can do!"
*snaps his lil white brittle rich asshole fingers*
some boat guy comes up
"you! boat peasant! I demand rootbeer floats!"
"b-b-b-b-b-b---bb--b-b-b--b--b-but the soda fountain doesn't open until 11!!!!"
"what part of 'I demand rootbeer floats' do you not understand?!??!"
"r-r-r-r--r-r-r-r--r--r-r-r-right away, Sir"
so he makes some poor guy wake up and start running the soda fountain
and the guy is like
"goddammit kid don't you know the soda fountain doesn't open until 11?"
and the kid is like
"( ') ( ')
( .) ( .)
(. ) (. )
(' ) (' )"
so the bro makes them all floats
if I keep posting pix that aren't from the movie, will I turn in2 cracked.com or something!??!?! D:
and the lil rich asshole is like
"give me another float! I want another float!"
the other kids who are with him are like
"whoa whoa whoa that is way too many floats one is enough!!!!!!!!!"
and the lil asshole is like
"fu I don't give a shit I need a float right now or I'll have you all fired"
the soda jerk is like "s-s-s--ss-s-s--s-si, senor ):" (he wasn't hispanic I am just trying to capture the moment here and the moment was hispanic)
shit here is really hilarious and he keeps
"pounding back"
floats
and he
sees double
and
wobbles
gets up and staggers around
it's v. funny I would make a gif but it would probably have to be longer than I could handle
I don't have a
good gifmaker
it was recommended to me by foretopman fenton and it is 10 years old
this gifmaker just doesn't cut it in this post-9/11 world
man the scene was probably the funniest thing in the movie maybe I will try a little harder than I normally would and make a vid
 |
| I couldn't make a vid because I don't have the movie |
man
something happens that was really funny but I forget what it was
whatever it was knocked this idiot kid off the boat
I think it was something like
a gust of wind
because this kid is so flimsy that a
gust of wind could knock him off a boat
oh god I am seriously writing p. much
everything I can remember from this movie
what a boring thing to do
like if I keep doing this the blogpost will be a nautical mile long! [originally just wrote "mile" but then I seized a perfect opportunity to strengthen this blog's brand. -Ed.]
man I am tired and want to listen to some music instead of this so I will be back in the next paragraph tomorrow or something
u know
p. sure all the shit I do on this blog is
"way crappy"
maybe I should
"cut it out"
like here I am talking about blogging and
what a lame thing
I've done this in every post I think
so "tired"
is it really adding anything to this blog to continue saying that this blog is crappy and that I'm blogging?!??!
imo it is obvious that I am blogging and also obvious that it is crappy
imo I could edit these posts more
make them
way smaller
make them
better too
was going to make a joke about getting "blogged down" but imo this is too serious a paragraph about blogs for that kind of humour.
imo a blogger should blog the blog post they want to see in the world
do I want to see a blog like this in the world?
will the aliens who read this blog 100000 lightyears from now think "man, it's a shame these hu-mans were all wiped out via the sun dying out. they had some really good blogs."
or will they think
"these puny hu-mans wrote worse blogs than the hyperintelligent apes that followed them. the Surfing Orangutan Civilization sure knew a lot more about the sea and movies about riding on it than these hu-mans did"?
will these aliens be like
"ok ok I get it you're blogging right now and aren't good at it and also don't care about it. sheesh. it's going to take me forever to find what little info about Earth sailing movies of the 20th and 21st centuries there is in this shit."
am I
hindering 10000th century intergalactic scholarship? what if people stop caring about books and
movies become the main thing
like
in alien universities
I will be some
very important bro
by accident
and my work only exists in
fragments quoted by later bloggers
in a poorly understood old version of Superenglish
in something called "prose", which is what the crude people of the Surface World used
which
I know
is hard to imagine
re: it completely lacks rhyme and its metre is so complicated that some alien scholars say it doesn't even have one
and the symbols in its writing
(if we are to believe the Surfing Orangutan Civilization, which admittedly did have an interest in denigrating the accomplishments of the hu-mans, as they often portrayed hu-mans as "sub-primate" (not my words) in official propaganda in order to justify their brain-farming practises, which disproportionately targeted the hu-man population of the Surface World)
didn't even insert themselves directly into the reader's brain via psychic waves
 |
| "if I could have, I would have given this book 0 stars" |
maybe I'll make this blog better
next time I blog
or maybe I will embrace the spirit of punk rock
and
continue to moon the "rules"
and give the finger to
the ceo of Bloggercorp
tune in next week to find out
yo so anyway
I watched this movie called
CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS
in it this kid falls off a big boat
which
I maybe called a cruise ship earlier I don't remember
but
I took some notes this time
maybe
more notes than
I've ever taken
and one of them was this:
(ocean?!?!) linerso it looks like they called the boat a "liner" and I assumed that this meant an "ocean" liner. They were def on the ocean, and I don't think I've ever heard of a different kind of liner (other than a "one-liner"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(oh yeah also "pantyliner", "eyeliner")
(but let me tell you there were no panties in this movie. don't think there was a single broad in this film (until the funeral scene at the end OH WAIT I SPOILED THE MOVIE YES SOMEONE DIES! hehehhehe there was a trailer somewhere on the dvd that I think I only saw in the shitty rip I made. don't think it was supposed to be part of the actual movie track. and in this trailer they talk about the person having died, so I guess they didn't think it was an important spoiler.)
this
talk about the trailer
reminds me:
this movie
wasn't
*just* a movie
like the movies we have nowadays.
there were also two shorts at the beginning.
let me
tell you a little about them.......
the first one was live action and called something like "the littlest musicianbro"
it's about someone who is
probably not a midget
but
really short
like
about as tall as the shortest normie girl you've ever met irl
actually maybe he is a midget
wouldn't want to
"erase" his experiences as a midget by calling him a normie
so anyway this short bro
is some kind of
"tramp"
but not in the slutty way
he is just a poor bro who goes around being sillie and trying to get food
iirc he walks into a club's kitchen and starts eating their food
some chef gets angry but is like
"oh wait! you're carrying a violin case! you know, I love the arts! I would never let an artist go hungry in MY kitchen!"
so he makes the bro some food like a steak or something
then the club owner walks in
and is like
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS?!?!?! A TRAMP?!?!??! EATING FOR FREE IN MY CLUB?!?!?!??! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!"
then the chef is like
"easy, bro. this isn't just some ordinary tramp! he's an artist!"
"oh REALLY. I bet he's shit! just look at him! he's drunk too!"
"now hold on a minute... this guy.... this guy....... why, he's the biggest violinist in all of europe! he's played for kings" [this isn't true. he's making that up. -Ed.]
"well, I'll give him a shot at performing, but I suspect he sucks and if he does I am going to kick him out re: I can't stand poor people"
"it's a deal................................................................. (*gulp!*)"
so the bro goes to perform
but it turns out
his violin case just had
the usual tramp possessions in it
like an apple core and rags or something
and he like
falls down or something
and everyone laughs
THEY THINK THAT THIS IS ALL PART OF THE ACT!
then someone who works there is like "oh I know we said this famous violinist was coming out now but it turns out he still needs more time to prepare so just wait a bit and we'll watch some dancing"
so there are two ppl dancing
and
the lil bro comes back onstange
and starts dancing with the woman
and he
like
falls into someone's table or something
and everyone thinks it's funny
then the dancing is over and someone in the orchestra gives him a violin and he plays
let me tell you
worse than jack benny!!!!!!!!!!
he just plays
one note
really quickly
and it kind of sounds like the flight of the bumblebee
and everyone thinks
it's all part of a comedy act!!!!!!!!!!!!
would you
believe that?!?!?
but even tho the audience is *LOVING* it
the club's owner or manager or w/e is
way mad
so he takes the lil bro out through the back and is like
"NOW YOU GET OUT AND *STAY* OUT!"
and
he throws a steak at the lil bro
but the
lil bro
opens up his violin case
and
catches the steak
ans skips on merrily out
heheh!!!
then
outside
he is about to eat the steak
but he sees a starving dog and
looks at the steak
looks at the dog
looks at the steak
looks at the dog
and gives the steak to the dog
now
who was the
REAL
"tramp" in this short film?
I suggest that it might have been
the club's owner!!!!
so what was the point of me
just
summarizing the plot of this short?
is this quality blogging?
does it even count as summarizing if the summary is longer than thing it's supposed to be summarizing?
what is the point of this blog if I am just summarizing things?
the second short was a really shitty harman-ising cartoon
in ~~====technicolor====~~
which
via some research (I am starting to try harder at blogging, it seems..........)
was called
Little Buck Cheeser
I would have posted the whole thing
but the
(what I can only assume are) nazis at something called "schnozza music" have killed the youtube account of the gentle uploader
you would think that people who had the sense of humour to call their company "schnozza music" -- "schnozza" being a funnie way of saying a funnie word for a funnie piece of a bro's body -- would be able to take a little uploading.................
if there is someone actually named Schnozza behind this company, tho, I can understand why he would be such a jerk, via having been teased all his life for his name
but really he is
just bringing it upon himself by
naming his company "Schnozza"
ugh
wait
can I
even
talk about these shorts here on this blog? They aren't about sailing, but they were on a dvd with a sailing movie and are kind of part of the vid.
so this cartoon is about a
little mouse
who is I guess named cheeser
who
doesn't believe in praying!
his mom tries to get him to pray but he is like "give me a break!"
but then he dreams of flying to the moon in a spaceship made of a tin can with a bunch of identical mouse pals
 |
| turns out the identical mouse pals are actually clones. each one was meant to be killed before the next woke up, re: some evil corporation wanted them to mine the Moon for cheese |
according to the mouse pals
that the moon is
made of green cheese! (there is one tuff bully-type mouse tho who says he doesn't believe that the moon is made of green cheese and that he would need some proof before believing it)
so yeah they fly there and it is not funny at all and it turns out the moon really IS made of green cheese (talk about a lack of faith, tuff bullybro!)
but
they can't land because
the ship becomes sentient and rebels
and says
"I'm sorry, Cheeser. I'm afraid I can't do that."
and struggles to free itself (himself?!?!?!?!??!?!??!) of the anchor that cheeser dropped
and he does
and
everyone gets shaken up inside the ship
and sick or something
and then they come back home
and cheeser goes to bed and is like
"fwewf! mama was right! I'd better pray"
 |
| but what if he hadn't prayed?!??!? fwewf! close one, Little Buck Cheeser! |
now
I don't remember if the
space thing was a
dream like I said it was earlier
or if it
actually happened
like
he could either
go to bed at the end
or
wake up
already in bed
and pray
don't
know
like it would be really lame if this happened in a dream even tho it's all in a cartoon
but this was a
lame cartoon
so.........................
now
back to the movie
we left our hero drunk on floats, floating in the ocean via having been knocked overboard by a breeze
a portugese-american fisherman named Manuel catches the kid
and is
v. unfunny
like
it's way funny to see this in the movie but
there are people like this irl who are
way unfunny
like
I wouldn't want to have to work with manuel
but this movie is like 1 hour long or something I dunno I think it was short
it was short enough that I am still able to think manuel is a funny character
btw
manuel no speak english so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he says things in
funny
foreign ways
like balki
and he happy alla time!
guessing this is a movie that
portugese people talk about like
the worst thing that ever happened to them via movies/books/cartoons/w/e
like
their amos and andy
or
mickey rooney in breakfast at tiffany's (haven't seen it. don't remember the name of his character but hear people complaining about him att. some unmemorable asian mumbojumbo name.)
and
did I mention anywhere in this blogpost that
mickey rooney is in this movie?!?!?!?!?
a quick ctrl+f reveals that no, I haven't mentioned this!
see this
ctrl+effing is
the kind of research I hope to
continue doing for this blog
so that it
can improve
anyway I will
introduce mickey rooney's character
when
I think he appears in the movie
re:
all kids p. much look the same
I'm not sure which one was him
but I think I know
haven't seen young mickey rooney in 1000 years so I GIS'd him
so manuel catches the kid
who was drowning
and is like
"you all fulla ocean inside!"
see that is the
kind of humour this bro does
actually
would be
more representative of the humour this bro does
if he
continued
and said
"the ocean, she want to go inside where it's nice and warm! the ocean, she cold out there! she no want to be cold, tho! that why she a go inside you! you sure full of ocean! yes, you *full* of ocean!"
and then
kept going back to that through the rest of the movie
so
manuel's main joke is
that he
calls the kid
"little fish"
and
lots of his other jokes
branch off from that
I think u
can imagine
what those would be like
shit like saying he'll
throw him back in the water
and think there were like
refs to fish anatomy
ugh
yeah btw he's the kind of
horrible unfunny guy who would make jokes to a kid about throwing him into the ocean
god writing this blog post is really
rekindling my hatred for grownups
I almost made a joke about
future aliens but then I thought
"wouldn't doing more of this make me as bad as manuel?"
and then
instead of
deciding never to drag out a lame joke
I
realized that
manuel wasn't so bad
after all
I feel
more confident than ever
re: this blog
not going to make the alien joke tho re:
wasn't much of a joke and after all this shit I wrote since I was going to make it
it wouldn't be able to stand
so I will
go back to
the movie
so manuel rows back to the main boat with the kid
and
let me tell you a bit about this boat
now
I did a little research
re: boats
since the last post
yep
I was
at my grandpa's
re: it was his birthday
and
while everyone was out playing volleyball
I sacrificed the opportunity to show off
my 1 sports skill
which is
serving in volleyball
(I've only played an actual game of volleyball one time but I got 13 points in a row just by serving! and this was in highschool, at a school that was the best at volleyball re: all the schools they played, and the best volleyball player was on the other team! yes, those were the days. I was in peak physical condition. it's all behind me now...)
so that I could
stay inside
and
while I was inside
I saw a sailing book
and I
read the intro, which was the only part that had anything about historical sailing
the rest was just a
guide to sailing for pleasure for a modern bro
I learned v. little
re: there
wasn't much in the intro about historical sailing
it was mostly just talking about how wonderful sailing is
and
reader
I have to admit it did make me long for the sea
but I
put aside that feeling and
concentrated on what useful sailing movie-blogging info I could get out of this intro
aside from the history of yachting clubs, this is about all I got:
there are
many different kinds of sails!
there are
square sails
which are called
"square sails"
these are like the sails
vikings had
there are also lugsails
which are
the sails used on
junks
and no I don't mean jetsam!
believe it or not there are azn boats called "junks"!
there is
another kind of sail
called "lateen"
and this sail is
triangular
just like the sails on
modern yachts!
oh btw
I learned an important thing about yachts
yachts aren't only for sailing for pleasure
a yach is just
a type of boat that is
really fast
which is what made it
ideal for racing
(which is how sailing for pleasure started)
yachts were also used to ship things!
also not all boats that are sailed for pleasure are called "yachts"
the most popular boat for pleasure sailing happens to be the "dinghy"!
so
how does this ivory tower jargon fit in with the movie Captains Courageous??!??!?!??!
well you see, folks
the main boat in this movie has
triangular sails
or at least most of them are triangular
so you know what this means?
that's right
they are
"lateen" sails
I will try to categorize the sails in every movie that's featured in a future blogpost by me
maybe I will make a big deal of it with a logo and call it
"THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND"
a ref to the
three types of sails I know
but, if I find out the name for trapezium sails, I'll have to abandon this gimmick re: not worth doing anything with a name that isn't as good as "THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND"
[just got a new idea while rereading this: "Four Sail". but it's a bad idea. and if I find a fifth type of sail, I'm back to the original problem]
 |
| made the logo already |
"little fish"
(iirc
it was pronounced
halfway between little fish and leetle feesh but I'm not sure)
is on the
main fishing boat now
and
the captainbro is like
"heh! looks we we have another worker!!!! here sign this contract to work for me for four months and get paid.......... only $9!"
"b-b-b--b--bb-b--b-b--but my dad is way rich! he owns that boat I just fell off!"
"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THAT'S A GOOD ONE, BOY! *turns to the crew* HE SAYS HIS DADDY'S RICH! HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"no, it's true! just look at these expensive lil clothes I'm wearing! my pocket square is made of the finest silks of the orient! these mary janes are bespoke!"
"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOW YOU CHOP OFF SOME FISHHEADS YOU AWFUL LITTLE BOY!"
some guy says
"you look like a spring herring now but you gonna fatten up before de forr" [SIC!]
turns out that
chopping off fishheads is
super dangerous
on a rocky boat
it shows people doing it and they almost chop their fingers off
like
the knife ends up
somewhere within
a 4-inch space
and you can't tell where
so this bro is too afraid to chop fishheads
and decides that he doesn't want to work
.......which leads to trubble, as you'll see!
so I learned something about fishing here
people go out fishing for four months at a time (I think it was four. maybe more)
fishing both
by going out in little boats with ropes that have lots of hooks on them
and using nets from the main boat
I think
and they
chop up the fish and open them and whatever right on the boat
and pack them in barrels
who would eat this gross fish? did everyone have to eat gross canned fish back in the day? or was all their fish all salty? sick
it's crazy that
there would be enough landlubbers eating this
for these bros to be doing 4 months worth of fishing
and
there were at least two other fishing boats in this movie
so that is a
lot of salty fish
and it's
all for america
btw fyi everyone on this ship except for manuel is a plain old good old upstanding american born and raised
oh btw
one of the people trying to teach the kid how to cut off fishheads was
the guy I am pretty sure is mickey rooney!
mickey rooney gives the kid some clothes later
but let me tell you
these are not the clothes of a rich man's son!
can you say "off the rack"?
during all this shit manuel is friendly to the kid
and acts like he [leetle feesh] is his [manuel's] son
could we say that he's a
better father to him than his REAL dad?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?! O:
but he's just a poor fisherman!
yo
going to make a joke w/o much context here:
"manuel labour"
there u go
so this kid
being a human being
even though, earlier in the movie, you would have thought he was better than a human (future aliens take note)
he gets hungry
and wants to eat food
BUT!!!!!
some guy on the ship
who is
v. skinny and tall
and called "Longjack"
 |
| longjack is the guy on the right. ignore the doctor stuff. I think I'd forgotten about this scene when I was writing the post, but then GIS reminded me. this pic's only use now is to show u longjack |
(I'm assuming this is on account of how long his jacket has to be to cover his torso
and how he reminds a bro of "Jack, the Pumpkin King", star of the movie The Nightmare Before Christmas)
and is v. superstitious
much like Jack, the Pumpkin King
and says
"we can't have a bro who doesn't work here on our boat! we'll die!"
they have a name for
people who don't work on a boat
but I don't remember that name
"this one other boat had someone on it who didn't work and remember what happened to them!??!?!?!", says longjack
":O", says the captain
this convo takes a long time for some reason
then manuel hatches a plan
via his
characteristically portugese wiliness
and is like
"come here, leetle feesh!!! I'll make you do some work! (;"
so leetle feesh swims up to the deck with him
(I used "swim" there to keep up the "this bro is a little fish" thing)
and manuel is like
"pick up a fishhead!"
and leetle feesh is like
"ick! my hands are milky marshmallows made of snow that have never touched anything having to do with...... w-w-w-w-w-w-w-work!"
EES NOT SO BAD, LEETLE FEESH!!!!
MANUEL KNOWS BEST!!!
MANUEL TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!
so manuel
holds leetle feesh's hands
and
guides them to the fishhead
and
makes them
pick up the fishhead
and drop the fishhead overboard
(man it must have been creepy as a fish in the ocean seeing fishheads everywhere)
(by the way, have I told you the Good News? fish feel pain! scientific experiments have proven it conclusively! it is now imperative that you abstain from eating fish!)
and then manuel says that
he can go eat now!
that was smart of you, manuel
no one ever said that the kid had to work a LOT!
the food they eat
iirc was mostly unrecognisable
except for raisin bread
which manuel talks about later on
saying that it is almost like cake
don't know if I would have been sure that it was raisin bread if he didn't talk about it
would have thought they'd be eating like
big fish steaks
or something
maybe they don't eat fish?!?!??!? maybe it's
worth too much?!?!?
like
raisin bread probably costs
nothing
and the captain seems to be an asshole, esp. with money
so I could
see him not letting them eat fish
good god this is going to be a terrible, long post
I am going to read boorishly's blog
http://attack-of-the-movies.blogspot.com/
since I haven't in a while
and
try to find out
what makes a good movie blogpost
then I will post nothing but perfect jewels that will
make everyone's jaw drop
I'm
going to read it
after I finish this post
because it's
too late for this now
so where was I
ah
yes...
they just ate some food.
really it's been such a long time since I've seen this
I might
go v. quickly through the second half
(because
I think that
I am only halfway through
but I
really don't know)
re:
don't remember enough of the details to say much about it
god
they
ate some food and then
oh ok I checked my notes and I have some shit to say:
the name of the main fishing boat is "WE'RE HERE"
oh hey there is stuff to talk about
ok so
at the dinner I was talking about
manuel makes a bet with longjack
the bet is re:
who can catch the most fish the next day
and
longjack bets something I forget what but it seemed like it was p. worthless
and
manuel bets
his new safety razor
now
don't get me
started on
how wonderful safety razors are
I just deleted some stuff because
I accidentally did get started on how wonderful safety razors are
ugh really you are a human sheep if you're not using a safety razor or a straight razor...........NO! STOP! THIS BLOGPOST IS LONG ENOUGH!
wow
I just realized something about blogging:
editing
is a lot like
shaving.
you can use an electric shaver
and
leave lots of stubble
or you can
use a multiblade razor
and
cut yourself up and irritate your blog's skin
or you can NO! STOP! THIS BLOGPOST IS LONG ENOUGH!
goddamn
so they make this bet
and
leetle feesh overhears it and
has an idea..............................................................
in the morning
manuel and leetle feesh go out on a boat
and
longjack goes out on another boat
and they fish
wowowoowowow! you caught a big fish, leetle feesh! I am so proud of you!
 |
| the fish was some kind of special effects robot and it really looked pretty good. like, def. better than Jaws |
hey what's that?!?!?!! longjack got into some kind of horrible accident?!?!? his line got caught and lots of hooks went in his arm?!?!!! mama mia!
leetle feesh says
"I knew it would happen B)"
"WHAT?!?!?!" says manuel
"I knew it would happen because I tied up his ropes or something in some tricksy way"
"YOU!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!! *picks up the big fish that was just caught and throws it overboard* I HAVE NO LEETLE FEESH. *turns away from leetle feesh and crosses his arms*"
then manuel paddles the
wait
not
"paddles"
he
ROWS the boat
over to the
main fishing boat
and
makes leetle feesh get on it
("board it"??!?!??!!??)
and he goes back to fish
can you believe leetle feesh would do something like that? he's right back where he started, threatening to put a poor boy in rags if he doesn't let leetle feesh join his club! ugh!
 |
| FLASHBACK |
when manuel comes back he pretends that they never caught that fish at all
and he gives longjack the safety razor
(how appropriate, since a safety razor provides the closest shave next to getting filled with hooks and pulled underwater but not dying!)
longjack is like
"that rope-spinning thingamajig on my boat was RIGGED! if I ever find out who did it, I'll tear him limb from limb, make mincemeat outta him, sock him right in the kisser, make him wish he'd never been born!"
 |
| he's HOOKED, alright! yeesh... calm down, junkie! |
"whoa whoa whoa!" says manuel. "it's not such a big deal..."
"my foot it ain't!"
everyone is on longjack's side
then leetle feesh is like
"oh! it was I who did it! I am rather abashed!!!! quite rather abashed!!!!"
"LET ME AT 'IM! LET ME AT 'IM!" says longjack, windmilling his arms while manuel holds him back via a hand on longjack's forehead
somehow thy resolve this
I don't remember
manuel is so mad at leetle feesh that he
plays the hurdy gurdy
leetle feesh comes over
and manuel sings a song about leetle feesh
god dammit fuck this shit why can't I set it to start at a specific time here. start it at 3mins, 40secs
manuel becomes chill with leetle feesh again.
yo
saw this in my notes so I'm going to ask yall:
what do sailors do re: church?
do they get a
free pass
or do you
not actually have to go to church if your a christianbro
or does
every boat have a
"chaplain"?!?!?
hey yo I found a pic on wikipedia of a chaplain on a boat, but it's a military boat:
.jpg) |
| note the anchors behind her and the fish on her gym towel |
I copied down a convo while watching the movie
here it is:
"you don't go with girls do you?"
"of course I go with girls! every man goes with girls!"
kid looks down all sad
manuel is like "oh nevermind I don't go with girls"
and then a few seconds later or something iirc leetle feesh says:
"I want to be with you, manuel. please"
can you say "gay"?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the next day
there is some problem with a sail
like
part of it is flapping I think
and it needs to be fixed or else the whole mast will get knocked down by the wind
so manuel climbs up
and I think longjack does too
and manuel is at the top
and
ACK!
the mast starts falling down!
and it continues to fall down!
manuel is in the water all tangled up in ropes
and talking to some people who are leaning over the side of the boat (is there a technical sailing name for this?)
leetle feesh tries to see what's going on but manuel tells them to keep leetle feesh away
why would he want leetle feesh to be away from him? I thought he loved leetle feesh!
OH NO!
it's because
his bottom half
(which you can't see because he's halfway underwater)
is
"all stove in"
D:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sick!
there's
no way he's going to live
the ropes around him are going to get pulled when more stuff falls down (which is def. going to happen) and he's going to get torn into pieces by all the ropes
OR
someone could
cut a certain rope
which would
let some other tight rope (not the circus kind I am just talking about a rope that is tight)
pull him under the boat
and he'll drown or whatever
so
he thinks it would be better to
drown or whatever
and
someone cuts the rope
they got back to america
leetle fish gets paid 9 dollars for working on the boat
and he is all sad
and he asks the captain if he could have
manuel's hurdygurdy
I forget whether the captain gave it to him
the captain was a jerk so I don't know
the captain has dinner with leetle feesh's family
and tells the dad how sad leetle feesh is about manuel
the dad tries to go talk to leetle feesh
but leetle feesh is like "go away D:<!!!!!"
the dad is sad about this
also
when this happened
leetle feesh was in
manuel's boat
I'm not sure what was
going on there
like
maybe they
have a dock at home
and
leetle feesh got to keep manuel's boat
I dunno
I think I just
have things out of order
anyway he is like "DON'T COME IN THIS BOAT! IT'S MANUEL'S BOAT!"
there is a funeral
obvs not a
real one
because
the body is still in the ocean
but people wore black and
there was a fly on an old fat woman's neck
and she didn't even notice
and they left it in the movie
gross!
leetle feesh throws a wreath in the water and then his dad throws a wreath in and it overlaps with leetle feesh's wreath and leetle feesh is surprised that his dad cares about manuel
just like in
brokeback mountain
the dad pays for an ugly statue in honour of all sailors or maybe just fishermen who have died (while sailing, I think)
leetle feesh says that he wants to be a fisherman
[that is the end of the movie]
so
realized that I
never said in this post
whether I liked the movie
and
I never did any official gimmicks
don't think I'll do the gimmicks
re:
that would make me have to draw more pix
re:
have been working on this post for like 100000 years and
ugh
such a bad post that I am only making it worse with every thing I add (should every thing be one word or two?!?!?!?? am I making the post worse by asking this? I am sure this is a v. stupid question. I had "everything" at first but had doubts)
so I will just do a rating thing
which will only require 1 pic:
 |
| ATTACK OF THE SAILING MOVIES'S MOVIE RATING FOR "CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS" |
Wow! 4 normal barnacles and a skinny one and a short one! not bad, captains courageous!
this was really like
the most legit movie of all the movies on this blog so far I think, except maybe kon-tiki I guess because documentaries always seem automatically legit unless they are conspiracy things (but I guess kon-tiki is maybe close to a conspiracy thing).
kon-tiki also stars foreign bros
really tho I wouldn't suggest watching it. even though it's p. good. couldn't feel ok reccing this movie to bros. sound like a faggot here who is like "yes, this movie is good, but it is maybe too avant-garde for you plebs."
theproblem w/ reccing it is that it's just a k. plain movie.
liked it but have no interest in ever seeing it again
welp
that's our post for Captain's Courageous!
so long!!!
