It's a movie about a group of norwegian bros in the 40s testing a theory about prehistoric racial migration from south america to polynesia (re: people thought before that the polynesian people came from asia. not sure which one is generally thought to be true, here in 2k10)
this is the manliest movie I have ever seen in my entire irl
they made a raft out of fukken balsa wood in the style of ancient south american rafts and sailed from peru to an uninhabited polynesian island, which they named after their boat
then some natives came over and they jammed out to radio tunez
BUT BEFORE THEY GOT THERE
they just broed down heavily on a raft
killing bottle nose dolphin fish (not to be confused with bottle nose dolphins, which are actually mammals, not fish)
via pulling them onboard, then jumping around and throwing blocks of wood at them and hitting them in the heads with hammers
and drinking their fish juice (instead of water)
[re: water, they also tried out some experiment that the us military wanted them to do, which was to mix fresh water with sea water and drink it
which seems like a funnie prank]
they made a basement for their raft out of an old fruit basket
+ had some kind of blast standing in it and looking at tropical fish
one bro played guitar and read about science stuff
one bro got naked (exposing his dilz) and then almost died
not sure how to write about movies
not sure how to write about sailing movies
not sure how to write about sailing documentaries
I don't know any sailing movie tropes yet, re: I've only seen a few sailing movies before
and I don't think they would apply to an irl sailing documentary
maybe I would have to watch some more sailing documentaries so that I could work out some sailing documentary tropes
so that I can be like "heh. tropes. pathetic. a baby could have made this movie. so generic. don't make me lol." via snarky blogging
n e way
they caught a lot of sharks
but had to spend 3/4 of an hour trying to kill them once they were on their raft, flopping around and tied up
they also baited a hook with a whole bottle nose dolphin fish
and it attracted a whale shark
which afaict was bigger than the raft
the shark was just chilling around tho, swimming under the raft and whatever
but it make this one bro so nervous that he harpooned it in the head
and it swam away with their harpoon
(what an unchill bro. think he might have been suffering from some kind of craziness that comes from being on a small raft for a long time)
oh they also had
a parrot with them
which spoke spanish
and which
like the spanish
enjoys watching animals be tortured.
(hehehhehehhehehheheh)
also when they got to polynesia
also when they got to polynesia
they saved some sad boy's life
and watched some hula girls
don't know what else I can say
totally ownage movie tho
truly manly
truly bro
truly two thumbs way up!!!!
think I might be more successful in blogging other sailing movies that I don't like as much, since I'll be able to let my snark flag fly
did u notice that I started this blog using caps at the beginnings of sentences and stuff
and doing "normal" paragraphs?
don't know what I was thinking
was probably trying to look like I was the Real Deal
like some kind of professional blogger
someone qualified to review movies and be taken seriously
I feel a lot like the bros on the kon-tiki
at first they were normal norwegian scientists or something
all shaven and whatever
via "society"
and then they got on a crazy raft
and got beardy
and started getting naked
etc.
and were all the more bros for it
I hope you feel like you've been broed down to while reading this blog
I hope I've inspired you to watch or rewatch KON-TIKI
I hope I've inspired you to oppose the cruel spanish practise of bull-fighting, if you can even call it "fighting"
it's more like bull-torturing imo
bull-bullying
anyway
what I'm trying to say here is that
I really want to go on an experimental raft trip
OH HEY I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT
A BRO "AMUSES HIMSELF"
BY
CUTTING OPEN A CUTTLEFISH
AND USING IT AS AN INKWELL FOR WRITING
WITH AN INK SIMILAR TO INDIA INK
USED BY ARTISTS
A BRO "AMUSES HIMSELF"
BY
CUTTING OPEN A CUTTLEFISH
AND USING IT AS AN INKWELL FOR WRITING
WITH AN INK SIMILAR TO INDIA INK
USED BY ARTISTS
THAT IS THE KIND OF AMUSEMENT I CAN GET BEHIND IMO
yeah so
want to get naked and amuse myself on a raft
and vlog about it (via making a documentary)
-Drear Pooson, Nautical Film Critic
